


Dust to Dust (You've Been Lonely Too Long)

by brilliantbri



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 16:29:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4312281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brilliantbri/pseuds/brilliantbri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post FIN. A look at what possibly could have happened to Gabrielle once she embarks on her solo journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dust to Dust (You've Been Lonely Too Long)

I remember the stories well—the tales of a Warrior Princess and her quick-witted ingenue. My mother soothed me to sleep with stories of Xena and her encounters with Callisto. She told me of Gabrielle's betrayal in the far off land of Chin, Xena's loss of her first child only to be given another much later, the demise of the Olympian gods, and most of all how together Xena and Gabrielle time after time worked alongside our tribe to ensure our survival and safety. These stories guided me as I grew, as I trained. The tales of Xena and Gabrielle encouraged my own quest as I neared adulthood and took my place as a warrior in my tribe. They shaped my Amazon pride. Xena and Gabrielle shaped me.

  
I was nearing my sixteenth year the first time she appeared in our camp, battered and bruised, but still strong and mighty. The infamous chakram rested on her hip and a sword, slimmer and longer than the one's I was accustomed to, fit a sheath attached to her shoulder. She was smaller than I expected in height, but what she lacked in height she made up for in muscle. She moved with confidence and grace. I was awestruck.

  
Gabrielle—the great Amazon Queen who had managed to come back from the dead and escape it many times prior—stood not ten paces in front of me. She was glorious, but even I, in my youthful naivete, knew something was amiss. Where was Xena? Why did Gabrielle have the chakram?

  
The questions were answered in the Queen's hut with the tribe leaders, but in a small tribe like ours it didn't stay there long. News broke soon after and camp was abuzz with a new story. It was a tale so bittersweet it brought some of us, myself included, to tears. Xena was gone. She'd passed in a blaze of glory—a self-sacrifice fitting only the most brave and honorable warriors. She'd died sword in hand; and she'd passed on even better—with her soulmate at her side exactly as they had been for years. The news was not entirely a surprise; neither the Warrior Princess nor the Battling Bard had been seen or heard from in over ten years after all. This though, this was different than we'd expected. We'd all assumed they'd died together in some far away lands. On the best of days children like myself hoped they'd run away together to live peaceful lives far away from all the anguish of Greece and Rome and everywhere else the tales recanted. These thoughts were foolish; Xena and Gabrielle were fighters. They were born to vanquish evil and replace it with love. Together they left paths of love in their wake. Remnants of their undying love for each other spawned miraculous healing and abundance of mercy. It was their legacy. I was more than a little distraught to find out that Gabrielle had been journeying on her own for many years.

  
And yet, she was exactly as the tales promised she'd be. She moved through camp with purpose, speaking to everyone as an equal. In the month she stayed during that first visit she shared story after story of her recent travels. She'd been to to the land of Pharaohs and then further-venturing all the way to the southern tip of the great Southern lands. She told us of sunsets over unseen oceans and animals with necks stretching all the way to the sky. Gabrielle recounted tale after tale of fights in which she'd barely escaped and times she'd found a way to deescalate violence with her words. She told us of the great Eve who was still preaching the way of Eli—his message of love. Gabrielle had seen the world in the decade since Xena had passed and she'd finally returned home.

  
When she did finally leave the Amazon camp again she parted with a promise of returning sooner than later. She'd kissed each our cheeks and vowed to be back to join our ranks officially after attending to one last important journey. And then she was gone. Seasons changed. We fought a long war with an army of northerners looking to encroach on our lands. And we grew as a tribe, increasing in numbers nearly three times the size. Women from all over flocked to us with name Gabrielle on their lips. They'd been recruited, selected from their villages because of their bravery demonstrated in various encounters with the Amazon Warrior. They were young and eager, many quick to learn our ways. By the time Gabrielle returned two years following we'd grown into the largest Amazon nation in history.

  
Gabrielle's second homecoming was the official one. She'd come back to finally settle down—to accept her rightful place as an Amazon leader. She'd served as second in command to Queen Agathe and was an advocate for peace among the tribe. Her legislation brought us into a period of great rebirth. Every so often she'd leave for a short period, but she'd return soon enough with new stories of fighting warlords and tangling with the remaining gods.

  
When Queen Agathe finally passed on to the underworld, Gabrielle took her rightful spot as Queen. By now she was aging, the skin around her eyes wrinkled when she smiled or laughed and her fare hair mangled with wisps of gray. She was still fierce and determined like all of us, but age had made her wise and even more thoughtful. Her stories, though still expertly told, only made appearances when she had a cluster of children around or we'd had a particular lively evening of celebrations. She was pensive and thoughtful as if she suddenly had much more a burden to carry. Every night she'd disappear into the woods by herself and be out there for hours at a time. Sometimes she wouldn't even return until late in the morning after camp had come alive.

  
When her second in command was with child and left the tribe to be with the centaur she'd fallen in love with, Gabrielle surprised us all by anointing me as the replacement. I was honored and pleased; the excitement at my chance to spend more time with Gabrielle spurned a whirlwind of fluttering in my stomach. The responsibility weighed heavy and despite all my joy I thought I'd pass out before I'd make it to my initiation. Alas, I did make it. And soon I sat on the right hand side of Gabrielle as we discussed our first tribal conflict. It was an easy fix—a shortage of food amongst the tribe due to less game in the area. Gabrielle spoke to me with her usual sincerity and truly listened to my ideas. Together we came to a plan to solve the issue. It was the start of a long and enriching relationship that I'd never forget.

  
The more time Gabrielle and I spent together the more I observed. In the solitude of her hut I witnessed her as a leader, but after a year as her right hand she'd allowed me to follow her on other excursions. One night she honored me with an invite to her secret spot in the woods. She led the way through thick underbrush and rough terrain to a small clearing with mostly level ground. I'd seen the spot before during daylight while hunting, but at night it was nearly silent and beautiful as could be under the bright starlight. Gabrielle made a fire and rolled out a bedroll she kept hidden in a bush nearby. I watched as she set about a nightly routine—something she'd clearly done thousands of times. Finally, when she was finished with the busy work, she sat down on a log near me. She unsheathed her sword and handed it to me with a quick demand to polish it. I set about the work as she stared silently into the fire. She didn't speak, nor did I break the silence. By this point I knew that Gabrielle preferred to observe the world around her. That night I sensed that she just needed someone to be there next to her—to busy herself while Gabrielle reflected. I pretended not to notice when she wiped a tear from her face.

  
After some time she dismissed me to return to camp. As I ventured out of the clearing I chanced one look over my shoulder. She now lay on her bedroll on her side. Clutched in her arms was a small black pot. I'd seen it in Gabrielle's tent before, but never asked what it was. Watching her clutch it to her chest as the flames bounced in her eyes the realization dawned. It wasn't just a pot, it was an urn. She'd brought what was left of Xena—she intended to spend the night with her friend.

  
Every so often Gabrielle and I would venture out together at night to repeat the same routine. I was content in the mutual solitude we shared during those nights. I never spoke of the urn, nor of the tears sometimes shed by the fire. Gabrielle, though now someone I saw as a friend and confidant, was still a mentor. She was my leader—my Queen—and I was there to be of assistance. Not one to pry, I assured myself she'd tell me if and when she was ready. In hindsight I suppose this is why she chose me all those times. Something about my mannerisms (so different to hers) must have reminded her of something she'd had with Xena. On some nights she'd thank me repeatedly before dismissing my company. She spoke often, during the day, of my reserved nature and the respect she had for my ability to just be somewhere focusing on one task and that alone. At the time I never really understood why she'd chosen me, but I was honored.

  
We went along like this for years until one day I arrived in the Queen's hut to find Gabrielle coughing heavily and clutching her stomach. By now the hair on her head was almost all gray and her skin had long since become a canvass for age spots. I, though still younger, was also feeling the effects of aging. Neither of us ventured out to fight much, instead choosing to counsel our young ones and help them learn and grow. When a bad illness spread through the tribe many of us fought internal battles that left us elders tired and weak. Gabrielle had held out longer than most, but it finally overtook her. Unlike the rest of us that had been miserable for days while waiting for it to pass, Gabrielle seemed to accept the illness with joy. She coughed and heaved constantly, but refused to rest. I encouraged her repeatedly to take a break, but suddenly she was alive again. Her stories returned and she danced freely with the young ones during the ceremonies. Her eyes shone a light I'd long since forgotten and on some days they bore into me more joy than I had ever seen in her. Despite the coughing and aching in her bones, Gabrielle came alive, until she couldn't anymore that is.

  
Eventually the illness spread and exhausted Gabrielle to the point she could no longer leave her bed. She'd cough day in and day out. The sounds echoing from her tent most kept us all awake. She struggled to walk and on one occasion fell in an attempt to get to the urn on the other side of the room. From then on out I slept in her tent in a bed on the other side. I was there as her body slowly decayed from the inside out. The illness finally subsided, but by now she was frail and unable to walk without a staff. She found it quite amusing when I first brought the new stick to her. She made a happy comment about life coming full circle. Despite the pain in her joints and muscles, the joy never left Gabrielle's eyes. Her heart was mighty and steadfast. Out of all the Amazons I'd never seen someone as resilient as she.

  
On the last night Gabrielle asked me to take her to the clearing. Sensing the change in her tone, I agreed. I supported her weight as she insisted on walking all the way there. At first she tried to forbid me to help set up the camp, but gave up when she struggled to remember where she'd set her bag down when we'd first arrived. We moved in tandem until camp was fit to her needs. I immediately set about the task of polishing her sword while she got comfortable at my side. This time I kept my eyes on her as I worked. I watched as her face softened and a full smile, the kind that made her squint, broke out upon her lips.

  
She lifted her hand to the skin on her forearm closest to me and squeezed the spot before dropping her head to my shoulder. I froze, confused by this change and unsure how to respond. Suddenly she spoke.

  
“Do you believe we can sense when the spirits of those we love are near?”

  
I took a second to think it out. Over the years I had lost my fair share of sisters and even a couple lovers. I wasn't sure I could sense their presence, but I did often feel a warmth settle over me when I thought about them. It had given me great peace knowing this so I responded as best I could. “I think the ones we love never truly leave. They live inside our hearts forever.”

  
“I believe that too,” she responded wistfully. The tone was almost girlish in nature and for a moment she sounded forty years younger. It was a sound I rarely heard anymore and even before only when she spoke of her time with Xena. When she spoke again her voice was alive and she sat up to look me full on the face while she spoke. “I'm going to see her again. Tonight. I can feel it in my bones. And in my heart.” She placed a hand over her chest and held it there. “Do you think I'm crazy?” she asked, self-conscious in a way I'd never seen. This was not the Gabrielle I'd known personally. This was the one I'd heard in my mother's stories before bed. This was the Gabrielle that existed in a time with Xena at her side.

  
I was honest when I answered. “No, I think you're probably right.” I wanted to add that sometimes people do miraculous things before their time is up but the words caught in my throat as my eyes welled up with unshed tears.

  
“I can feel her you know. I always have been able to, but over the years it's been harder. I've forgotten her smell and I have a hard time remembering what her kisses tasted like, but I've never stopped feeling her near me. At dinner tonight it was different. I didn't feel her next to me anymore; I felt her in me.” Gabrielle paused to brush a tear from her cheek. By now tears of my own cascaded in a path down my own cheeks, but I didn't bother to wipe them away knowing they'd return anyway. “She's coming to take me home. I'm going home tonight. And I've felt her getting closer for months, years even. I've been excited as my body aged because it means I'm closer. And now I'm here.”

  
“Are you happy, Gabrielle?” I hadn't intended to speak out my thought, but it escaped before I could swallow it down. Gabrielle smiled again as two tears fell from her bright eyes. She nodded and choked on a giggle. More tears leaked out, but there was no pain behind them. She was fully alive for the first time since before I knew her. It was time for me to leave her to her fate.

  
I pulled Gabrielle into one final tight embrace and held her for a moment just to memorize the moment. When I pulled away she nodded a final silent goodbye. She was strong, much stronger than myself. I gathered my things and turned to go. As always I turned back at the line of trees and watched as she got herself into bed. She rolled to her side and pulled the urn in close. I watched as she kissed the metal softly before closing her eyes. I was about to leave when I heard her voice ring out one last time. “See you there.”

  
I couldn't leave her alone, that much I knew. As quietly as possible I climbed up into a tree where I could quard her through the night. I found a comfortable position on a low branch and watched. Soon the calm drowned me and sleep found my heavy eyelids. I woke with a start when I heard a voice. It was Gabrielle whose voice pierced through the stillness of the night. She was calling out, not in a tone of fear but of love, for Xena in her sleep. I sat up straighter and watched as she continued to speak.

  
“You're here,” she gasped with a choked sob. “I knew you'd come.” She paused, as if hearing another voice. And then, much to my surprise, she stood. But it wasn't the Gabrielle I knew; it was a young Gabrielle with sun-kissed short hair and strong muscles under the dragon her back. The older, frail body lay at her feet as her spirit ascended. I watched, eyes wide, as she moved her hand up as if reaching for something I could not see. And then she came into view out of the void.

  
Xena stood in front of Gabrielle in a white leather Warrior suit with a silver breast plate and wrist cuffs. Her hair, dark as night, cascaded down her shoulders and back. She was tall and strong, but her eyes were light and soft. Tears brimmed as she reached a hand up to clutch Gabrielle's atop her cheek. Suddenly, as if sensing the other's moves, both the spirits collided in a warm embrace. Xena lifted Gabrielle into her arms and held her close; in return, the Amazon Queen wrapped her legs securely around Xena's waist and buried her face into the crook of Xena's neck. They both held each other for a moment longer before Gabrielle pulled back just enough to look into Xena's eyes. Their gazes held for a pregnant minute. And then Gabrielle spoke.

  
“There's so many things I want to say to you.”

  
Xena smiled as a new round of tears leaked from the blue sea in her eyes. “You don't have to say a word.” And Gabrielle didn't. Instead she pulled Xena in close and took a deep breath as their lips touched. And just like that, as if I had dreampt it all, they were gone. All that remained in the spot was the body of my friend still clutching tightly to the remains of her soulmate.

  
The following morning I gathered together a team of Gabrielle's closest friends in the tribe. We carried her body back in silence as the weight of our grief settled over us like a storm cloud. That night we gave her a proper Amazon funeral where hundreds of women cried for her. And I, as the new Queen, gathered her ashes and placed them where I knew she'd want them—inside the urn with Xena's.

  
The next day I found a scroll under Gabrielle's pillow. On it, she'd written her last wishes. Among them was that she and Xena be returned to Xena's family crypt in Amphipolis where they would rest forever. I made the journey alone to grieve my personal loss, but also to reflect on what I saw. I knew the world would never be the same without Gabrielle and that the Gabrielle I knew would not have existed without Xena.

  
In the crypt I made a shrine out of the chakram, Gabrielle's sais, and the katana sword. I draped one last scroll over the shrine. It was one I'd seen her read often in those last few years, but had never asked about. I finally, during those last moments, opened it and read the words aloud as my final eulogy.

  
“There's a moment when I look at you, and no speech is left in me. My tongue breaks, then fire races under my skin and I tremble and grow pale. For I am dying of such love, or so it seems to me.”

  
It is there that the Warrior Princess and the Amazon Queen will forever remain, but something tells me that the crypt only holds the remains of their physical bodies. Xena and Gabrielle were more than physical; they were eternal. They are soulmates. And somewhere out there they are together. At last. Always.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I wrote this in a place of grief after finishing the show and being unable to cope with my grief. It was very therapeutic for me. I'd love some feedback if you liked it (or even if you did not). I'm considering writing a full length Xena fic and some feedback would be really helpful in deciding if I should embark on that creative journey. Special thanks to K for introducing me to the show, letting me cry to you when I finished, and reading this first. Your friendship and continued support means the world to me.


End file.
